I know you all have heard about this movie and I know you all must have seen its trailer or the posters with which the town is bolstered. The trailer was not particularly bad. The visual effects seemed OK and even though the English dubbing felt like an atom bomb on the ears, this still felt like a possible interesting watch. Yet something felt wrong about this film. I just couldn’t get myself to go for this one. Then something happened in the morning today which actually made me go for this film and believe it or not, it was a cerebral and surreal experience. That one thing, which I thought could make or break a film, actually made this film one of the biggest comic reliefs of the year so far. I don’t believe that’s what the makers were gunning for but that’s exactly what has happened here.
Brad, a friend of mine, was asking to meet up for a movie for god knows how long and because of work and other issues, I just couldn’t make up time for the meeting. So when he called me up today and we both tossed around the idea of going for this move, I thought this would be a good idea. At least we would meet up and even if the movie was bad, the meeting would be good enough to warrant a good time. However, my only condition was that if we were going to watch this movie, we were to watch it in the crappiest place possible so that I wouldn’t have to spend more than Rs. 20 on this film. He agreed and we decided to go to Urvasi, a cinema hall in the heart of the city which is a dilapidated remain of its former illustrious self. They upgraded to digital only recently and still have a mono sound system. The speakers are located only on the front end which makes it difficult to hear once you are more than twenty rows back. The chairs are so broken and creaky that you are constantly jolted by the fear of falling off. Rats run wild in the “dirty as hell” auditorium and the audience mostly comprises of the lowest socio-economic class of the people including some beggars.
“Guardians” was playing in Hindi here and as the film started, I immediately realized that we were in for a treat. A treat not in the manner the makers wanted us to have but of comic nature arising out as a result of the dubbing, the overall poor quality of the movie and the terribly bad acting. The film’s story is about a group of superheroes created by a mad scientist before the breaking up of USSR. These heroes are all from different parts of the USSR and have their respective ethnicity. To make it understandable to the Indian masses, somehow the dubbing company hilariously made the subjects hail from places like Varanasi and named them as Shiva, Bhola, Ganga, and Khan just so that the Indian masses get the drift. The moment the names were uttered, I rolled over laughing. If that is not enough to tickle your funny bones, their Hindi dialogs will surely do.
Hearing Hindi coming out of the mouths of Russkies is one of the most amazing things to enjoy. The Hindi nevertheless is perfect. They use high-flying words that even we Indians seldom use. As I got deeper and deeper into the dialogs, I was enjoying myself even more. The villain, for instance, is called Ajgar. Every time he was called out, I had a Russian called Ajgar in front of my eyes who was speaking in Hindi. If that was not enough to make you laugh then I don’t know what would.
Getting back to the story, the Guardians are gathered to fight Ajgar, who by the way looks like “The Electric Man” from the Shaktimaan show. Ajgar walks across the screen a lot (for no rhyme or reason) and has some electric power that leads him to control trucks, tanks, etc. He wants to control satellites and use it as a gun to the head to control the whole world. The Guardians are first sent to stop him and they get captured after fighting for 5 minutes. After their capture, Bhola wants Ajgar to let Ganga go as she has no memory. Shiva is badly beaten up and is recovering under the care of the army woman who sent them to their deaths. Soon Bhola, Ganga, and Khan are rescued and they are re-united with Shiva. Then there is the hilarious backstory of Khan and his brother Sohail. Yes! thats his name. The names itself are good enough to make you laugh out loud.
After this, the Guardians are upgraded and sent back to destroy the building that Ajgar is using as an antenna to communicate with the satellite. They fight their way up to the tower where they again loose to Ajgar and get their asses kicked. They escape and crash land into a pond. The army lady magically reaches there and asks them to unite their powers. Now I was interested to see how they would do that. Well!t they touch each other, something blue happens and a blast follows which destroys the tower. In one of the most hilarious sequences, Ajgar who was up till that point untouchable, just falls into the wreckage and dies. It was at this point that Brad asked, “Hi iman e fragile niki be kela” (was he really that fragile?). Once that is out of the way, Bhola and Ganga look all set to get cozy. The thought of Bhola suddenly turning into his bear-self midway through boning Ganga made me roll over once again. The film ends with a hint at having another sequel. I won’t be missing that one either. That’s for sure.
Guardians The Superheroes is an awful film. It has some good special effects but it’s laughably bad. What I feel is that, if I had seen this film in English, it would have been a drab and boring affair. Watching the film in Hindi really made it a hilarious watch simply because of the huge gap between what the characters were and what they were speaking. The names in itself were the highest point of comedy. It took away whatever little seriousness there was and made it a laugh riot. It also has to be agreed that the film has laughably bad acting. The actress playing Ganga screams in key situations in a manner and with the kind of expressions that conveys a feeling that she is at the height of her pleasure and is about to climax. The Guy playing Bhola constantly looks slyly at Ganga in a manner that would jump into bed with her any instance. The dude playing Shiva looks uncomfortable throughout his act. And Khan looks more like a “Boro” lad than a killing Machine. They just casually walk through the whole film without any tension or urgency even when facing death.
Suffice is to say that if you watch this film, then only watch it for the hilarity. If you go in with anything else in your mind, you will probably walk out half way through. I had a blast with this film and for all the wrong reasons. I watched this film in an alternate universe running parallel to the film’s actual screenplay and that’s the only way to enjoy this film.
Rating : 1/5 (1 out of 5 Stars)
Fun Quotient: 5/5 (if you understand what I mean)